I have a real love/hate relationship with driving. On the one hand I love the freedom that driving can give you: no more need to rely on busses or trains that never seem to turn up on time and you can just random decide to go on a road trip to the coast, rather than having to research travel times and buy 6 different tickets in advance!
On the other hand I absolutely hate driving, it causes me so much stress and anxiety! Not so much about driving myself (I can take pride that I am actually a really good, safe driver) but because of the amount of idiots and arseholes on the roads! I honestly don’t know what the point in having a driving test is, it seems people don’t bother to actually stick to the rules once they pass!
Diving with anxiety is pretty tough. I’ve been learning for 6 months now and in the last two months I’ve improved so much! My instructor says I need to get my theory taken asap as I’m actually almost ready to take my test.
While I’m super excited about actually passing, the thought of the test scares the crap out of me! Being on the spectrum means that I’m shocking in test conditions, my brain just fucks off and goes “nope, you deal with this”. It’s why I was predicted A’s and A*’s at school but only left with B’s and C’s, because when I got into the exam my brain just stopped working.
Plus the test is going to cost a ridiculous sum of money to take and I don’t want to take it until I’m confident I’ll pass first time.
I won’t be able to afford to do it again.
Do I think I could pass? Yes I do, if only my anxiety would keep quiet for an hour. Fat chance of that happening!
It can’t just be me who has thoughts like this while driving is it?
I sounds so daft but I honestly panic that, even though I’m looking right at the traffic light and can clearly see it’s on red, it’s actually on green and I’m imagining things…
Even when you could fit a marching brass band through a gap, I’m always worrying that actually I won’t be able to get through and I’ll crash the car and kill someone. Totally not being melodramatic. Nope. Not at all.
Chris does this one too so I know it’s not just me! Whenever I get close to a junction I instantly start to slow down and panic that they’re going to risk it and pull out. This one isn’t even unfounded anxiety, it’s happened to me so often while I’ve been learning. Plus me and chris were nearly in an accident last month when some stupid woman pulled out of a blind junction without even looking! Thank goodness chris was doing the speed limit and reacted instantly or she’d have gone straight into my side of the car! He still freaks out whenever we go near that same junction.
I swear I spend more time watching my speed than I do the actual road sometime! I don’t really see the point to speed limits anyway, no one sticks to them. There’s one street near me where it’s 30 the whole way and every single person drives down it at 40. When I go down it at 30 for my lesson I cause a huge queue to form behind me and I get some right looks when people go to overtake me.
What do you get anxious about when you’re driving?
A twenty-four-year-old autistic writer and designer from Sheffield. Tattoo obsessed, animal lover, self confessed bookworm and eclectic witch.