Anxiety and Dating
Okay so I’ll be the first to admit, until November I’d never been on a date. Not a real one anyway. Sure my exs had taken me places but that was once I’d already been going out with them and known them for quite a while. I’m talking a real life, first time actually meeting someone date!
Oh my days is there anything more terrifying than actual meeting up with a guy for the first time?
As those of you who follow me on social media or who read my What I love about Christmas post will know- I now have a boyfriend. Surprise! All those “being single is awesome and it’ll take something amazing to change that” comments? Yeah I’m eating my words right now. Although he is really amazing so I guess I stuck to what I said.
That’s my excuse anyway and I’m sticking to it!
So where did I meet the lucky guy you may be wondering…on Tinder!
That is a sentence I never dreamed would ever be said by me but it’s true. I went back on last month after deleting it ages ago and found I’d been super liked by a rather cute guy, checked his bio and it said he was from literally just up the road from me so I swiped right on him and we started talking that day…and haven’t stopped since.
I think we’d been taking nearly a month when we both decided we wanted to meet up. Now normally I’m one of those “strong independent women” who’d be more than happy to ask a guy on a date…except the thought of it terrified me.
I must have had at least three anxiety attacks while thinking of a way to ask because I’d never done this before and had no idea what to do or expect!
So I waited for him to make the first move and ask me out…and waited…and waited.
After nearly two weeks of talking about meeting up I realised that he was too nervous to ask me and at this rate I’d be waiting well into the next year for him to get the courage up to do it!
Luckily by now I’d found the wonderful gal that is Vix and was feeling a smidge more confident after binge reading her posts, so I decided to just say fuck it and ask him out myself! I was going shopping the next day anyway and would need to grab some food, so I asked him if he wanted to come through and get some with me.
He was a little taken aback- a woman asking a guy out?! But not in a bad way, I think he was secretly (and very) relieved that I’d asked him.
That initial meeting someone stage is so awkward!
Do you hug them? Do you not? Turns out he didn’t have a clue either so we ended up doing a kind of awkward one armed hug.
Great start to the date!
When we got to the Weatherspoons I ordered a glass of rosé and called it Dutch Courage when he raised his eyebrow at it…then he came back with his own pint.
Yep definitely wasn’t the only nervous one!
Pretty sure we ended up spending at least a quarter of the date quoting Deadpool to each other and before the first one was over, he was asking me on a second one!
Totally wasn’t grinning and giving myself a mental gold star.
Five dates later (one of which was to see Fantastic Beasts for the third time in two weeks…oops) and we were “Facebook official” as the kids say.
I’ve never been happier and all I can say is that all the stress, worry and panic attacks were more than worth it for what I’ve got in return!
So onto my top tips for navigating the murky world of dating:
- Don’t be afraid to make the first move! Whether its asking them out on a date or initiating the first kiss (both of which I did with Chris) don’t be scared to do it. Most guys will be perfectly fine with it and find the thought of a confident woman sexy. Even if it’s only fake confidence and you’re actually shaking in your heels it doesn’t matter, fake it until you make it as they say!
- Go somewhere you know. Try and make sure that the first date is somewhere you know, it will make you feel so much more comfortable. If there is a bit of distance between you both and you plan on meeting in the middle I would recommend doing a recon run to the place you plan on going.
- Wear something comfortable. Making a first impression is key but you also want to be comfortable or you won’t relax and enjoy the date. Wearing a skintight dress and huge heels might sound like a good idea at the time but try to think practical! Everyones style is different so I’m going to avoid giving out fashion advice, especially when I went on mine I wore a pair of converse, black skinny jeans and a fancy(ish) top. Still…it worked…
- Think about some points of conversation beforehand. I made sure to think back on some of the conversations me and Chris had had, so that I could plan some things to talk about in case of the dreaded awkward silences! Re read your messages before going on your date and plan some things you both have in common and could talk about- hopefully you wont need them but at least you’ll have them, just in case you need to seer the conversation a little.
- Mindfulness. I can’t sing the praises of mindfulness enough lately! It has helped me so much, it helps ground myself and I’ve noticed that I disassociate a lot less since practicing it daily. It also helps you pay attention more to what others are saying and actually listen, rather than just listening to someone to answer.
The full series:
What are your top date tips?