So I thought I’d write this post because…dum dum dum…today is my 23rd birthday!
Now I know everyone seems to freak out over getting older and this is one of those things I’ve never really understood.
When I was three years old a lot of people would ask my family how old I was and when they would answer them I would pipe up with “I’m not 3 I’m 6!”
Every. Damn. Time.
For some reason I actually got really cross about the fact that I was three and not six; I hated being seen as a kid and couldn’t wait to grow up.
Which is a great lesson in being careful what you wish for, as now I’m an adult (aka a walking ball of anxiety and self doubt!) I actually wish I’d taken more time to enjoy my childhood and not try to grow up too quickly.
Hindsight is a bitch!
I remember a time in my life where I genuinely didn’t want to be here anymore.
I didn’t want to die as such, but I just couldn’t cope with the life I had and would quite happily have taken a break from it for a few weeks.
There were things in my life that weren’t great. A job that made me dread waking up every morning, a relationship that was draining and unhealthy and at the time I didn’t feel I could get out of either situation.
I recovered from anorexia and found the strength to cut all ties with my ex partner.
I acted on the spur of the moment decision to quit the job I hated and enrol at university, starting within a week of handing my notice in – which has easily been one of the best decisions I’ve ever made!
I have come so far from the frightened little girl I hate to admit I once was.
While I’m still fighting a daily battle with my mental health, but it’s a battle I feel I’m finally starting to win.
I have made some wonderful friends who I have some amazing memories with.
I’ve travelled around the county, been front row at a gig (twice!) seen Les Mis on stage in London and Billy Connolly live in Sheffield.
I got over my fear and started this blog and I’m even thinking of setting up a shop!
When I look at where I was 5 years ago and where I am now, I honestly can’t believe the difference!
Just last week I stunned my friend Abby while we were shopping in Urban Decay: a woman and her daughter were wondering about the different setting sprays, what the differences were and if they were any good.
Even just a year ago I wouldn’t have dared to say anything to them.
I just turned round and started explaining how amazing the setting spray is and what the differences were between them!
Abby was flabbergasted, the look on her face was a mix between stunned confusion and pride.
It felt so natural to talk to them I didn’t ever realise what I’d done!
So if you’re in a bad place right now, please trust me when I say life does get better.
Maybe not this year, or even next, but eventually you will get to the point where you can face your demons and when you do, you’ll realised you’re a hell of a lot stronger than you’ve given yourself credit for all this time!
I also know that when you’re in the depths of depression this can be so hard to believe.
So I’d recommend setting up a Happy Jar full of your best memories, accomplishments (no matter how small!) and anything else that makes you happy.
Then when you’re struggling, read through all those memories and remind yourself just how far you’ve come!
This definitely isn’t your typical birthday post, but I think on days like this its really important to take some time to reflect on your life, see how far you’ve come and set your goals and intentions for the next year.
Thanks for stopping by! I’m a twenty-five-year-old digital media graduate with a passion for writing and a desire to change the way we view mental health and autism. I’ve owned jademarie.co.uk for nearly two years now, and its slowly changed from a place where I would brain dump whatever was going through my head that day, into a place where people can come for help, advice and hopefully a bit of a laugh. I do occasionally come out with a witty sentence or two. Mostly by accident.