I’ve been feeling really down about my blog lately. Feeling like I’m not good enough & that I’m not a “real” blogger. The ones that get all the engagement and blogging mail and has gorgeous photography. They live exciting lives and I’m just here in my little village not even owning a passport.
It’s actually been effecting my mental health and self worth. I feel like there’s no point trying- I can’t compare so why bother trying.
I felt the need to go out and spend lots of money that I don’t have, on things I don’t need, just so that I can blog about the same thing everyone else is.
Then I realised something.
That’s not me.
Never had been and hopefully never will be.
That’s not why I started my blog- I started it to try and provide help and advice to other people with mental health condition. To show that we aren’t as alone as our brains tell us and eventually maybe even make a little community where we can help and support each other!
I seem to have lost my way a little. I got caught up in the glitz and glamor of the lifestyle and beauty blogs I read and yes, I tried to be a part of it.
But that’s not me.
I’ve never used a Lush bath bomb in my life- we don’t have a bath and I’ve never really understood the appeal of them anyway.
I don’t stick to an Instagram theme and post three times a day- my life isn’t anywhere near interesting enough to even guarantee one post a day! I just post what’s going on in my life, even if it doesn’t look “pretty” or fit with what is already on there.
I don’t have a blogging schedule or editorial calendar- I blog when I feel like it & have something I want to write about. I won’t create content because I feel pressured into it. I might go a week or two without a post and then suddenly have the inspiration to write three in a week!
I can’t write in that awesome chit-chat personal style that’s so popular. I’m autistic, communication for me is seriously difficult! It might not come across like it but even simple conversations require a lot of concentration! Blog posts? It can take me hours until I’m happy with the way it sounds…and everything then, I’m never truly happy with it.
I don’t engage in blogging chats or schedule posts like I should. Like I said above- autism is a fun little beast. When I first started out blogging I was in a good place mentally, and as such I could join in these chats and grow my blog.
My twitter shot up from around 300 to over 1k in only a few months! Then things took a trip downhill and since then I’ve been trying to get that engagement and energy back, without any real success. Maybe it’s because my heart isn’t in it? Maybe it’s because I’m boring. Who knows. But I’m not going to try and force it anymore- if it’s going to happen, then it’ll happen.
I’m not really sure what the point of this post is. I read Hannah Gales new post this morning and it struck a chord with me, making me realise that just because my blog and shop aren’t huge, popular and mainstream (three things I’ve never wanted to even be!) doesn’t mean they aren’t worthwhile!
I was tempted to give up on both my blog and store but now? Now I’m going to dive back into it and see what I can achieve…just without the ridiculous pressure I was putting on myself before!
A twenty-four-year-old autistic writer and designer from Sheffield. Tattoo obsessed, animal lover, self confessed bookworm and eclectic witch.