*this post contains a gifted product, but all sex positivity is as always my own!
Sex is a natural part of life, yet it’s still a subject that most people don’t feel comfortable talking about.
The way sex was spoken about in general when I was growing up always made it seem like something dirty. Something you shouldn’t have and that, if you did, you definitely didn’t speak to anyone about!
I strongly believe that being brought up in that kind of environment helped contribute to my Vaginismus.
My mum raised me to be very open about sex; I could always ask her questions and talk to her about anything I was curious about. But there was still a very negative culture outside my home that I couldn’t get away from.
I only have to look back at my sex education classes at school to see that.
It was basically just “watch me put a condom on a banana” and “don’t have sex or you’ll get an STI”.
They didn’t talk about safe sex, the pros and cons of different methods of contraception and how to decide which is best for you. They didn’t even really cover consent or what to do if you’re feeling pressured into doing things when you don’t want to.
They just said don’t have it and moved on.
But over the last few years, I’ve noticed a shift. The quality of sex education has improved and its now something that can be spoken about, without feeling awkward and embarrassed.
Even though I haven’t watched it as it’s not my kind of program, Netflix’s Sex Education has apparently had a vert positive effect. It highlights thing like not being able to orgasm, mastubation and coming out; all things that were never even mentioned when I was growing up, let alone covered in a tv show!
And sex toys are another area that are finally becoming more normalised.
I remember back when I was 17 and went into Ann Summers for the first time. I was wanting a new bra, but the one I liked was right next to the toy section, and I was too embarrassed to go anywhere near it.
Fast forwards 8 years and I’ve now got a decent collection of toys and talk about sex regularly with my friends.
I’ve even reviewed the LoveDrop subscription box on here before; which included a funny (and probably TMI) story about what happens when companies think a “one size fits all” approach to condoms is a good idea!
They’re now such a normal and accepted part of life, that some are actually available to buy in the supermarket!
Shops like Superdrug, Asda and Tesco stock a brand called So Divine, who are a sex positive adult toy company. Their Vibrating Love Egg (which they kindly gifted to me) is also available on boots.com, which I think is such a positive step forward.
It’s not a type of toy I’ve ever used before, and normally I’d be too intimidated to pick one up because of my vaginismus. Even though it’s no way near as bad as it used to be, I still get a little anxious about internal toys.
However I was happily surprised to find it isn’t as big as I’d thought it would be, and that it was actually quite comfortable. It was a little uncomfortable to put in, but since I can’t even put tampons in without discomfort – that wasn’t exactly unexpected.
I was fine once it was in place and I was surprised at how quite it is for the power it has; a must have for me since I still live at home!
By making things such as condoms, lube and toys available in such “normal” places, you’re showing people that there is nothing wrong with having safe, consensual and enjoyable sex – something I wish had been emphasised more when I was growing up.
Do you feel embarrassed talking about sex? Also I’d love to know what your sex education at school was like – I’ve never spoken to anyone yet who had a good experience with it!