The Importance Of Being Sex Positive

The Importance Of Being Sex Positive • So Divine Vibrating Love Egg • Star Tea Light Holder

*this post contains a gifted product, but all sex positivity is as always my own! 

Sex is a natural part of life, yet it’s still a subject that most people don’t feel comfortable talking about. 

The way sex was spoken about in general when I was growing up always made it seem like something dirty. Something you shouldn’t have and that, if you did, you definitely didn’t speak to anyone about! 

I strongly believe that being brought up in that kind of environment helped contribute to my Vaginismus.

[Related: What Is Vaginismus And How Can You Start To Recover From It]

My mum raised me to be very open about sex; I could always ask her questions and talk to her about anything I was curious about. But there was still a very negative culture outside my home that I couldn’t get away from. 

I only have to look back at my sex education classes at school to see that. 

The Importance Of Being Sex Positive • So Divine Vibrating Love Egg.jpg

It was basically just “watch me put a condom on a banana” and “don’t have sex or you’ll get an STI”. 

Very helpful…

They didn’t talk about safe sex, the pros and cons of different methods of contraception and how to decide which is best for you. They didn’t even really cover consent or what to do if you’re feeling pressured into doing things when you don’t want to.

They just said don’t have it and moved on. 

But over the last few years, I’ve noticed a shift. The quality of sex education has improved and its now something that can be spoken about, without feeling awkward and embarrassed. 

Even though I haven’t watched it as it’s not my kind of program, Netflix’s Sex Education has apparently had a vert positive effect. It highlights thing like not being able to orgasm, mastubation and coming out; all things that were never even mentioned when I was growing up, let alone covered in a tv show! 

The Importance Of Being Sex Positive • So Divine Vibrating Love Egg • Star Tea Light Holder

And sex toys are another area that are finally becoming more normalised. 

I remember back when I was 17 and went into Ann Summers for the first time. I was wanting a new bra, but the one I liked was right next to the toy section, and I was too embarrassed to go anywhere near it. 

Fast forwards 8 years and I’ve now got a decent collection of toys and talk about sex regularly with my friends. 

I’ve even reviewed the LoveDrop subscription box on here before; which included a funny (and probably TMI) story about what happens when companies think a “one size fits all” approach to condoms is a good idea! 

[Related: Reviewing The LoveDrop Date Night Subscription Box]

They’re now such a normal and accepted part of life, that some are actually available to buy in the supermarket! 

Shops like Superdrug, Asda and Tesco stock a brand called So Divine, who are a sex positive adult toy company. Their Vibrating Love Egg (which they kindly gifted to me) is also available on boots.com, which I think is such a positive step forward.  

The Importance Of Being Sex Positive • So Divine Vibrating Love Egg • Star Tea Light Holder • Yankee Candle Tea Light

It’s not a type of toy I’ve ever used before, and normally I’d be too intimidated to pick one up because of my vaginismus. Even though it’s no way near as bad as it used to be, I still get a little anxious about internal toys. 

However I was happily surprised to find it isn’t as big as I’d thought it would be, and that it was actually quite comfortable. It was a little uncomfortable to put in, but since I can’t even put tampons in without discomfort – that wasn’t exactly unexpected. 

I was fine once it was in place and I was surprised at how quite it is for the power it has; a must have for me since I still live at home! 

By making things such as condoms, lube and toys available in such “normal” places, you’re showing people that there is nothing wrong with having safe, consensual and enjoyable sex – something I wish had been emphasised more when I was growing up. 

Do you feel embarrassed talking about sex? Also I’d love to know what your sex education at school was like – I’ve never spoken to anyone yet who had a good experience with it! 

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The Importance Of Being Sex Positive

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  • This is a bloody amazing post! So well written, so eloquent and so on point!
    Rosie

  • Loved reading this post. Sex is still a very taboo subject and not spoken about as much as it should be. I had no sex education at school – when I was scheduled to have it the teacher was off sick so we never had it! I’d really 100% recommend Sex Education on Netflix – the show is incredible and somehow, at 23 – relatable!

    Liz | whatlizloves.com

  • gotmeghan says:

    Loved reading this post! I can read articles and books about sex, but talking about it out loud is a little uncomfortable for me. I’ve never had sex, much less went out on a date, so the subject of sex is something that both fascinates me and terrifies me at the same time!

    I think the Sex Education show is a good thing, you have actors that LOOK like they’re high school kids anyways! I think it’s a good and hilarious show to watch; when I had to take Sex Ed, it was a totally different story. My cousin and I were told about students putting a condom on a banana, but we never did that. We were forced to watch educational films instead. At the time, I had already watched as many teen based movies on Lifetime and a few adult shows on HBO, but nobody knew that back then!

    I’ve thought about discussing my sexuality and thoughts about sex in general – do you have any advice for I guess virgins and our assumptions about it? 🙂

  • More openness and less shame attached to sex and enjoying it is needed x

  • I went to an all girls school and even my sex education was awful! I remember the condom on a banana thing and that’s it. I learnt everything from basically experience, friends talking about it, TV shows and just growing up. And I never had the talk with my parents – they’re not religious or shy or anything like that but they’ve just never been openly talking about that sort of stuff.

    I’ve also never really liked internal toys and things. I can’t orgasm through penetration so anything internal doesn’t really feel like much to me. Which is a shame. External things are great but anything else I’m a bit like, meh…

    Great post Jade, it’s definitely important to be more open about this sort of stuff. My boyfriend’s Mum is VERY religious and although I don’t think she reads my blog I’d be mortified if she stumbled across anything about sex on it. Which I guess means I’m part of the problem!

    Jenny
    http://www.jennyinneverland.com

  • Such an interesting post! It’s crazy when you look back to school how ‘weird’ they made sex and definitely not something to talk about <3

    G is for Gingers xx

  • Michelle says:

    Great post! I definitely think the way sex education is taught really has to change. There’s not enough emphasis on healthy relationships as a whole and too much fear – like let’s just be honest and accept teens are going to have sex, so let’s help them do it in a safe and consensual way.

  • Jade Marie says:

    Exactly! I don’t think I’ll ever understand why people think trying to scare and keep people ignorant will stop them having sex; all it will do is lead to unsafe sex and possibly unwanted pregnancies

  • I totally agree that we are moving in the right direction into normalising sex and conversations around it. As someone who is also really open about sex, it’s great to see people discussing it on open forums such as twitter and sharing information that isn’t necessarily being taught in schools!

    Abi | https://whatabigailsays.co.uk/

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